Responding to Loss

 As believers, we are called to be messengers of hope. 70% of people are already in a personal or family crisis.

 •      Grief can be due to anything or anyone that is lost that was of value to the individual

•      “No amount of technology or experience can make the grieving process any easier.  The hard news is that the only road to true healing is through the grief process.  The good news is that God travels that road with us.” - H. Norman Wright

 Ministry in the Phases of Grief

 Initial phase:

-          accepting of person (can you accept a person that you do not agree w/)

-          monitoring for safety and health

-          persevering presence despite isolation

-          respectful of person despite reactivity

 -          assist others who are being alienated

-          regular intervention (you begin movement w/ routine)

-          use of Scripture regarding emotions and tragedy

-          ministry of presence

 Middle Phase

-          continued ministry of presence

-          monitoring of responses (are they hurting themselves/others, persevere through their desire for isolation; you don’t want to be rude; you want to persist)

-          understanding of isolation

-          “accepting” availability (staying present while they scream, learn to live w/ 2 steps forward and one step back)

-          Use of Scripture about tragedy

-          Understanding of persistent denial

-          Mindful of God’s presence (1st step in bringing God’s presence into a situation)

-          Watchful for the heart felt cry 

Latter phase

-          look for acceptance (this is when they are transitioning into this stage), words or phrases that may facilitate their movement in this direction “they are gone”;

-          assist w/ acceptance of loss

-          assist w/ new skills

 -          assist w/ new contexts

-          assist w/ new relationships

-          assist w/ memory of loss

-          transitioning memory to testimony

 -          Assist w/ learning from the tragedy

 2 Cor. 1:3-5 Greek word comfort is better translated “coming alongside” (Palmer’s translation)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all coming alongside, who comes alongside us in our troubles, so that we can come alongside those in any trouble with the coming alongside we ourselves have received from God.”

 Healthy grieving

-  Adjusting to the loss: eventually making plans for the future, but not making big decisions in the moment

-   Utilizing available support: letting the “bearing of one another’s burdens” take place

-   Appropriate grief

-    Appropriate depression

-    Accurate view of God

 Unhealthy Grieving

Regret: second guessing that becomes so powerful it leads to self-blame “I didn’t spend enough time” or “I didn’t tell them I loved them enough”

Bitterness: this occurs when some of the emotions that are a normal part of the grieving process crystallize into resentment, anger, and even hatred. 

Depression: “The numbness that may protect people in the beginnings of grief may trap them later as the magnitude of the loss sinks in.” - Floyd

Magical thinking: “the rain came because you just washed your car!” 

Incomplete grieving